My Pride and Prejudice

Some summer pics I just got ...

Fall Colors

The Details

Yesterday was my last full day of hunting this year. I hiked for almost 8 hours!!
As the bush-pusher I spent most of my time in the thickets, climbing over dead-fall, and ducking under branches. A great day.

This is the first season I've not had to hunt in the snow. Glorious! I did miss the hopeful feeling of coming across tracks ... but I loved being warm and dry.
In the morning I came across a little white rabbit sitting in the middle of a dark, brown thicket ... I was struck by the irony of his failing camoflauge. He didn't seem to realize it wasn't working and let me get within 4 feet of him before running off.

Garron's sister was along and took the pic of us walking up the hill together without us knowing ... thanks Sharon, I like it! It was shortly after this that Garron saw and shot his deer.

The picture of me in the trees was taken from where Garron shot. I was standing where the deer was (and fell). Not exactly a 'clear' shot ... but Garron made the best of it.

I like the last picture best cause it depicts how I see our marriage. Two people with vastly different talents and strengths pulling together with everything they've got to get where they wanna go. Too cheesy?

Huntin' with my Hubby

thank you

I am so deeply grateful for all of you who took time to contact me after reading my last entry. While still battling the blues I am definitely seeing some light at the end of the tunnel!

I did manage to pinpoint where the 'color' was coming from ... a secondary trauma lived out during Nov/Dec two years ago. It was the sentencing hearing of one of my abusers during which I sat for over two hours listening to all the inane reasons the man SHOULDN'T be punished for his crime! (ie, how he just did it because he was going through a divorce and was lonely, how he would never do it again, how he would suffer at the hands of other prisoners were he to be incarcerated, how prison life in general is unpleasant and he would find it uncomfortable, how he is otherwise such a great person as proven by his volunteerism in the community and his devotion to helping his ailing mother) Yeah.

I am working on addressing the negative thoughts that plague me now as they did back then and would covet your prayers. Feeling an utter sense of abandonment by those who are supposed to protect the innocent, questioning the validity of coming forward about the abuse at all, wanting to take matters into my own hands and exact a more appropriate form of justice ... these are the main ones.

Where would I be without the love and support of my friends?! One of whom signed up for a blog address just to be able to respond to my last entry!! (Janet I love you! And I DID get your cd ... told the whole fam about the letter you wrote me ... I was so excited about it I sat down immediately to write a response. It wasn't until your post on my blog that I realized that letter never got finished or sent! My deepest apologies. I'll try to get it off early next week)

I just glanced at the clock and it says its almost 1am!! I'm supposed to be getting up early tomorrow to go hunting with Garron so I've gotta head to bed. This is the last weekend for hunting and we have yet to get our whitetail buck and doe. Its not gonna be easy as they have been few and far between this season ... We do have SOME meat in the freezer but it would be much better if we could fill these last two tags.

Again, thank you to those of you who wrote or called or came over ... a smile creeps across my tired face just thinking of you and the ways you've showed me your care and concern this week.

A Sea of Blue

I find myself in a state of emotional ebbtide. I can see the waters of joy but I'm not swimming in them. I wade in the shallows now and then ... but the waves of joy don't crash over me as sometimes I've known them.

Hopefully soon I'll be able to post about me being happy ... but for now I just thank you for hearing me out exactly where I'm at.

Frustration

I planned to have a Christmas craft day today to get me in the mood for the coming season ... I got egg nog, christmas cd's and organized a few holiday craft projects hoping some local ladies would join me in the fun .... but instead I sat alone all day. Actually, I wasn't really alone. Journey and Sol were with me. They didn't appreciate being stuck inside all day with nothing to do either - - as their frustration built so did mine. We were at each other constantly ... not one of my better 'mothering' days. I didn't get my advertising out in time so hardly anyone even knew about my special day. My own fault.