Mourning

I am mourning today ... earlier this week I was dancing. Dancing with joy for my brother and his wife as they headed off to pick up a brand new baby boy ... to adopt him into their (our) family. They were so excited as the wait has been long and arduous. Then, today we heard the news that the mother has changed her mind and will not be signing the adoption papers after all. My heart is so heavy. I ache for Mark and Mae and Mary who have hoped and prayed and planned for this child. I feel as though he really was their baby and that they have been robbed.

The grief is strange ... its not 'final' like death ... but desperate -- and choking -- like that of a mother who's child is 'missing'. The unknowns are so great. The questions unanswerable. Where is he? What does he look like? Who is holding him? Do they notice the color of his eyes? the intricacies of his tiny hands? Do they love him? Do they have hopes for his future? Can they see the man that he will become? Will they give their all to protect him? Will he ever know how close he came to being a part of us? Will he ever know the love we felt for him, the prayers we prayed for him?

I feel like these questions will always haunt me. Having come so close ... having believed he was truly a member of the family. And now, he's gone. I'll never meet him. Hold him. Enjoy his smile. And I wonder ... if I feel the loss this intensely how deep must Mark and Mae and Mary's pain be?

My beautiful little girl

Journey and Her Friends

Journey loves to have friends come over to play! She is learning the art of sharing ... and its made her much more tolerant of Sol. On rainy days they play in her room but when the sun is out Journey would much rather be riding her trike in the yard or being pushed "high in the sky" on the swing set.

My Cake

Garron decorated this cake for me with a picture of a sunflower. They are my favorite because in them I see myself. We're not dainty -- not what the world would call 'beautiful'. Kinda rough and tough ... but rain or shine we keep our face to the sun (Son) -- the source of our strength.

Amy's Birthday

On April 29th we celebrated MY birthday. Friends and family filled the house and spilled out onto the deck. Thankfully the rain held off while we ate. I thoroughly enjoyed having my family from Calgary mingling together with my family and friends in Three Hills! That is a gift I'd like to give myself more often.

Garron's Birthday

Quite the expressions in the first pic ... (: In the second Garron is opening his newest 'tool' ... a garden hose. Now that we own a house we need to start thinking about all these things. He used it the next night to clean our gutters!

Big Horned Sheep

On our way home from Canmore we took the 1A instead of the main highway. It was beautiful! Very scenic, quiet and peaceful. At one point there was a herd of bighorn sheep scattered across the road. This was my first 'so close' encounter with bighorns. Kinda neat.

Romantic Supper for Two

Saturday evening of the weekend was for the couples to go off and have a romantic evening ... to set aside all the learning and just relax and have fun together. Garron and I chose to make supper instead of eat out. We brought deer steaks from home and had steak and potatoes, and sauteed mushrooms. Very yummy! Then we went for a quiet walk through the hills of Canmore ... not much wildlife out but a couple of deer. It was wonderful to be alone together ... no kids means, no questions to answer, no diapers to change, no bottoms to wipe, no strollers to push, no bottles to warm, no bedtime stories to tell. SOOOOO relaxing. We love our kids ... but it was nice to be able to focus on each other with no distractions for a change.

Right-Brain Activity ... TRY IT!

One of the main themes of the weekend was 'attachment'. This is an area where a lot of people need healing. It is supposed to be developed by your primary care givers. If something is lacking you take that into all your relationships and they can become very unhealthy. In this activity we were just supposed to become aware of areas where we might be 'detached' (or need healing). We were asked to shape our relationships with our primary care givers out of colored clay. So the first box is us (as kids) in relationship to our parents. Then the other boxes consist of us as adults in relationship to our parents, our spouses, our kids. Its pretty neat what comes up through this activity. I do suggest you try it at home. Caution!! This in an activity designed to get you out of your 'thinking' brain and into your 'feeling' brain. There may be unexpected emotions that rise to the surface ... but don't fear them. Welcome them and ask God what He wants you to do with them now that you know they're there. And if you have any questions about any of this please feel free to email me or Sara. Either of us would be thrilled to walk you through the process. (: Have fun!

Point of Interest: Emotional trauma or hurt cannot be healed in the left (logical) brain.

Symbolism

The weekend was being put on by a Play-Therapist. She had tons of different items around the room (stuffed animals, rocks, pictures, etc) They were to help us get into the 'right' side of our brains, as that is where the emotions live and where we would be spending much of our weekend. I wish I could explain all the symbolism and stuff but ... you had to be there.

Weekend Away

Last weekend we went out to Canmore for a marriage seminar. I think couples should have at least one a year ... but we've been together for 7 and this is the first one for us. It was much different than what we anticipated (no sweaters Mark...but there was a lot of forced 'eye contact') Sara and John were out there too. (helping run some of it!!) Thanks for inviting us guys ... lets do it again soon.

A Sweet Family Moment

I was going through some older photos and saw this one from last summer. It was our reunion after Garron 's summer long bike tour. I can't believe how young Journey looks! She is proudly presenting Garron with a gift of red licorice! I think she ended up eating most of it.