thank you

I am so deeply grateful for all of you who took time to contact me after reading my last entry. While still battling the blues I am definitely seeing some light at the end of the tunnel!

I did manage to pinpoint where the 'color' was coming from ... a secondary trauma lived out during Nov/Dec two years ago. It was the sentencing hearing of one of my abusers during which I sat for over two hours listening to all the inane reasons the man SHOULDN'T be punished for his crime! (ie, how he just did it because he was going through a divorce and was lonely, how he would never do it again, how he would suffer at the hands of other prisoners were he to be incarcerated, how prison life in general is unpleasant and he would find it uncomfortable, how he is otherwise such a great person as proven by his volunteerism in the community and his devotion to helping his ailing mother) Yeah.

I am working on addressing the negative thoughts that plague me now as they did back then and would covet your prayers. Feeling an utter sense of abandonment by those who are supposed to protect the innocent, questioning the validity of coming forward about the abuse at all, wanting to take matters into my own hands and exact a more appropriate form of justice ... these are the main ones.

Where would I be without the love and support of my friends?! One of whom signed up for a blog address just to be able to respond to my last entry!! (Janet I love you! And I DID get your cd ... told the whole fam about the letter you wrote me ... I was so excited about it I sat down immediately to write a response. It wasn't until your post on my blog that I realized that letter never got finished or sent! My deepest apologies. I'll try to get it off early next week)

I just glanced at the clock and it says its almost 1am!! I'm supposed to be getting up early tomorrow to go hunting with Garron so I've gotta head to bed. This is the last weekend for hunting and we have yet to get our whitetail buck and doe. Its not gonna be easy as they have been few and far between this season ... We do have SOME meat in the freezer but it would be much better if we could fill these last two tags.

Again, thank you to those of you who wrote or called or came over ... a smile creeps across my tired face just thinking of you and the ways you've showed me your care and concern this week.